My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She told me I should be a condom model.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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