fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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