did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
