is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
