I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
