Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
