you would pick up someone in the library
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
