How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize