when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
