and you said cock pushups were impossible
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
