So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
