FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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