It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize