Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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