I want to make a zoo with you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
