Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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