Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize