i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
