i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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