Where is the hickey?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
