if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
