That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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