dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize