So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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