I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
