help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
