I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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