You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
