I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
