Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
