guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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