If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
