The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
