I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
