First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
