why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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