i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize