It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
