apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
