The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
