i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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