Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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