Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
