she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
