Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
