I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
