Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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