My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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