No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
