I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
