I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What a dumb baby whore.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
