I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
