oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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