it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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