Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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