First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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