we have officially lost it.
So drunk its hurt
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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