Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
