laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
