I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
