i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
