kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
