I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
