Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
