so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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