I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
