It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize