yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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