At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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