the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
