There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They are going to name an STD after you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
