god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize