drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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