You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
