Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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