I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
