You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
