Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
