Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
