I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
